Got Rid of Some Weight!

Well, I have lost almost 15 lbs since my last doctor visit. At the end of May, I weighed in at 485 even, and now have dropped to 470.4! I was laid off from my teaching job, so I have not had a lot of extra money for eating out. Relying on a 20 hour or less per week part-time job does not leave room for ANYTHING else, besides bills. But, at least it has forced me to choose semi-healthier foods. I still cannot afford fresh fruits and veggies everyday, but I continue decreasing my soda intake, cooking less fried foods, and eating less beef. I really think it is the decrease in soda and fast food that did it! Now I try to purchase foods that cost less and last longer, such as cereal, sandwiches, soups, peanut butter, popcorn, and boxed bars for work breaks. I have also dug through my pantry to find some Wyler's light water mix, which is a good substitute for the days I NEED to drink something with flavor and have already had my soda for the day. It is a struggle and I think about food a lot. When I don't have my Dews in the fridge, I crave them more. It is easier to know they are there and I can have one if I choose. I know I need to lay my burdens down at the feet of Jesus. I know I could fast, pray, and read the Bible when I feel the need to overindulge. I need to work on that! I am nowhere close to where I need to be, but I am slowly getting there!

Sticking with it is SOOOO Hard!!!

Well, I started off really well about 2 weeks ago. I was having MAJOR lower back pains (think kidneys) in the middle of the night. It became so bad that I had to get up and move around for 30 minutes before I could go back to sleep! I knew the culprit HAD to be my Dews! I tried having one can every other day, but ended up having them on consecutive days the second week. I just felt like my body NEEDED that, especially my brain. Ahhh.... Last night, I drank two cans and my back hurt a little this morning. Uh-oh. I cannot go back to drinking my dews! I need to move foward, and not back. I am going to try really hard not to have any cans today. If I feel I need one tomorrow, I shall have one. Every  other day. I can do that, right? 

I have also cut back on the amount of red meat I have be eating. Not because I don't want it, mind you. But because, I don't have the money to purchase as much!! I guess that is a good thing. Also, hamburger helper was a staple in my diet, until they changed their ingredients. Now the cheese is disgusting!! No more HH for me. Yuck! I called to complain and they acted like they didn't believe me. They even sent me coupons for free boxes. Uh, yeah no thank you! Like I really want MORE of what I was complaining about! Luckily, Kmart still has some of the old packages left, so maybe I will use the coupons there--when I can afford the hamburger that  is!! lol 

Let's see...other good things I have been doing. I have been drinking tons more water, especially before and during my meals. Even when I plan on drinking a dew with my meal, I make sure to have water with the first half. I have also been eating more sandwiches and soups, instead of unhealthy meals I would normally make from beef. Ya know..tacos, haystacks, Helper, meatball subs, ect. The good stuff. 

My body has felt like it has been lacking something. I think that is why I caved the past couple of days and overate, with dews too. I need to try to eat more fruits and veggies. Maybe that is what my body is needing. I just wish I could afford healthier stuff. I am so broke that I had to buy 4 packs of noodles on two separate transactions to get cash back for my rent. I had to go with the cheapest things in the store. I mean, I could have bought two bananas I suppose, but they would not have filled me up like the noodles. *sigh. Oh, well.... I have been finding information on Pinterest about what to eat/drink and when. I need to write it all down. When do I drink water and how much? How do I split up my food groups throughout the day? What exactly  are processed foods? Are canned/containers of fruits and veggies JUST as good for you? This is only the beginning. 

Dreams and Real Life

     I prayed last night for Jesus to help me find a job I can do physically, that will help me pay my bills, and is right for me now. I felt so desperate in my prayer and peaceful at its end. Of course, I had a dream that confused me to no end. It seems my dreams are always a mixture of real life and craziness! First I had to drive to be with the Pre-k students on their field trip. (This part happened probably b/c I used to go on field trips during the summers to the movie theater.) I don't remember where it was, but I drove to the location of our local hospital, Grace. The field trip was in that building. Then, I had to leave there and meet them back at the daycare to help with other things. In my dream, it seemed that the daycare was further away than my last job. (This could be b/c I was supposed to have an interview with a daycare that was in another county!) When I got there, the owner and director were talking while I was trying to get things out of my car. Someone approached me and told me that the owner wanted me and this other girl to sing for her--NOW! I really did not want to, but did so anyway! (This stems from me feeling like I need to be singing but don't feel good enough!) The strange part happens when I am suddenly at Kmart, beside register 1, with a music sheet in my hands. The other girl from the daycare is running register 1 and I am telling the director and owner that I cannot read music anymore. I say, "I can tell that this note is an 'e', but I don't know what sound goes with it!" After I don't sing,  I am suddenly behind register 1, with customers lining up. I don't want to be stuck there. I feel trapped. (This is b/c I really do feel trapped at Kmart! I feel like I am never going to be able to leave that place!) I end up staying until after 3pm, giving me 2 in half hours of work for the daycare! I feel scared to tell the owner that she owes me that much time. ( Probably b/c I really was scared to work over at the DC!)

     No matter what dreams I have, nothing is going to change until I get the motivation and strength to do something! I know God is waiting on ME to lose weight. I use being overweight as an excuse not to do a lot of things. Like yesterday my brother, along with some others went to a concert. For a second, I thought, "Oooh, I want to go! I was off from work! Why didn't they ask me?" Then I realized that I would have been unable to wait in line for 7 hours, the seats probably would have been too small for me, and I would have had chest pains climbing all the staircases! I think I am going to put pictures around my apartment to encourage my weight loss. No, not some skinny super model that I will NEVER look like. Instead, pictures of things I want to do and accomplish, like teaching, singing, riding a bike again, hiking, zumba, going to concerts, camping, fishing, traveling, etc. I think this could work. Everyone keep praying and if you have advice, I would love to hear your ideas~!

Trying this again folks!

Okay, so I find it funny that the last time I wrote on here, it was about not having motivation. I am currently facing the same problem. Four weeks ago, my mom, brother, sister n law, and I started our own weight watchers meetings and plan. I have been leading the meetings, which I love to do. However, I seem to lack the motivation to do things I say in the meetings. I prayed today for God to help me make better food choices, and for part of the day I felt that that worked. Ultimately, the choices are MINE and I need to decide whether I want to be fat, unhappy, lethargic, and in pain OR healthy and living life doing things I've never done before (or things I haven't done in a LOOOOONG time). Even writing this, I feel bummed thinking about the road ahead. I have got to find a way to make this happen. I am so tired and feel like giving up, but I can't. I want to lose weight so I can teach, sing, help people, and be myself. Anyone knowing how I feel, please share!