Still Stuck

     Not that anyone will read this anyway, but I feel like I have waited too long to fix my life. I have so many health problems. I am sure that by this time next year I will no longer be able to work, IF I keep up my unhealthy ways. I want to change, but I also don't want to work at it. I was looking at the inside of my car today. It is so messy. I have old food, trash, papers, tissues, and God knows what else in there. My apartment is the same way. It is so messy. I realized that I treat my body the same way, throwing all kinds of junk into it. I guess my doctor is right, that maybe deep down I really don't want to be healthy because I feel I don't deserve it. Or I hate myself. I don't know about all that, but I do know that I HATE where my life is right now. I feel like I need to take a beat. I just have sooo much going on in my life--two jobs, plus tutoring on the side, and trying to spend some time with family and friends. The latter seems to fall short most of the time. I am just too tired to do anything else. I think I need to put the oxygen mask on myself. Then, I will be able to do what needs to be done with everyone else in my life.