I prayed last night for Jesus to help me find a job I can do physically, that will help me pay my bills, and is right for me now. I felt so desperate in my prayer and peaceful at its end. Of course, I had a dream that confused me to no end. It seems my dreams are always a mixture of real life and craziness! First I had to drive to be with the Pre-k students on their field trip. (This part happened probably b/c I used to go on field trips during the summers to the movie theater.) I don't remember where it was, but I drove to the location of our local hospital, Grace. The field trip was in that building. Then, I had to leave there and meet them back at the daycare to help with other things. In my dream, it seemed that the daycare was further away than my last job. (This could be b/c I was supposed to have an interview with a daycare that was in another county!) When I got there, the owner and director were talking while I was trying to get things out of my car. Someone approached me and told me that the owner wanted me and this other girl to sing for her--NOW! I really did not want to, but did so anyway! (This stems from me feeling like I need to be singing but don't feel good enough!) The strange part happens when I am suddenly at Kmart, beside register 1, with a music sheet in my hands. The other girl from the daycare is running register 1 and I am telling the director and owner that I cannot read music anymore. I say, "I can tell that this note is an 'e', but I don't know what sound goes with it!" After I don't sing, I am suddenly behind register 1, with customers lining up. I don't want to be stuck there. I feel trapped. (This is b/c I really do feel trapped at Kmart! I feel like I am never going to be able to leave that place!) I end up staying until after 3pm, giving me 2 in half hours of work for the daycare! I feel scared to tell the owner that she owes me that much time. ( Probably b/c I really was scared to work over at the DC!)
No matter what dreams I have, nothing is going to change until I get the motivation and strength to do something! I know God is waiting on ME to lose weight. I use being overweight as an excuse not to do a lot of things. Like yesterday my brother, along with some others went to a concert. For a second, I thought, "Oooh, I want to go! I was off from work! Why didn't they ask me?" Then I realized that I would have been unable to wait in line for 7 hours, the seats probably would have been too small for me, and I would have had chest pains climbing all the staircases! I think I am going to put pictures around my apartment to encourage my weight loss. No, not some skinny super model that I will NEVER look like. Instead, pictures of things I want to do and accomplish, like teaching, singing, riding a bike again, hiking, zumba, going to concerts, camping, fishing, traveling, etc. I think this could work. Everyone keep praying and if you have advice, I would love to hear your ideas~!
