I have wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember. I used to literally force, the neighborhood kids to play school with me on weekends and during the summer. I went straight from HS to a local community college, where I had a scholarship. I feel that is where I made my first mistakes. I wanted it to be like HS, so I did not take any summer courses. This caused be to be there an additional year. Oh, well. I then moved on to Appalachian State, in a new distance education program. The group I was in became the guinea pigs for the new program. Boy, there sure were a lot of bugs! I did not mind though, because I KNEW once I had finished school a teaching job was on the horizon. Unfortunately, after graduation and at the job fairs/interviews. I was told that I "lacked the experience" required to teach in the public school system. What? How can you obtain experience without a chance. I set out to find this answer. I worked with Sylvan Learning Center for a little over six months and in an after school daycare for a 1 and a half years. Now I felt more ready and prepared during interviews. This did not matter though, because now NO ONE was hiring! There was a job freeze and layoffs in every county.
SO, here it is two years after graduation, still working at Kmart. I felt like I had made absolutely NO progress since HS. My aunt (RIP) called me to tell me about a Prek daycare job opening where she worked. I was very skeptical b/c I did not see that as "real teaching". I went to the daycare, As We Grow and observed for a couple days. I felt really good about it and took the job. I will admit that the first year (2009) was horrible, not the kids or parents, but just about EVERYTHING else. There were a couple shining stars who kept be from crying EVERY day. I still cried a few times a week. I was off that summer, working at Kmart of course. THen back the next year in 2010. This second year was much better, with fewer bumps in the road. I was more confident, prepared, and educated as to what to expect in a Prek setting. I actually went to school for elementary, so this was a bit of a change.
I was off that summer, with rumors flying that I might not have a job. I came back early in the season to clean out my room when that rumor became reality. I was not heartbroken though. I actually felt at piece, like it was God's plan. Something else is on the horizon, I thought. Now I have experience!~ (I sure had fun finding places for all of my classroom materials! My apartment now looks hoarderish!) I had already started plans to re-enroll in school for PRek education. I stuck with those plans because it all worked out last minute. I knew it was God making a way for me to continue my education. Well, I am now in my second semester at East Carolina and find that I am waiting for God to move again. Is it right for me to continue school or will He have me wait for the summer or Fall semester?
The big question, is what will I do without school this semester? It kept me going in the Fall because I felt like I still had a purpose, other than working at Kmart. I was still working toward my lifetime goal of teaching someday. What will I do without school and only my HS Job that has lasted over 12 years? The more I write about having faith in God's plan, the more I can feel his presence. I know that He knows what is best for my life right now. Sometimes it is just hard to let go and put it all in His hands. I feel angry and prideful at times, which I know is human. God expects us to make mistakes, but hopefully come back from them and into His arms again.
If I do not get to go this semester I will focus on becoming healthy. I am having some issues right now with my obesity. I will also make more time to spend with friends and family. Lately, I have been too tired and feel like I have pushed everyone away. If I don't start making more of an effort (Facebook doesn't count), then I will end up completely alone.
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